A year later: A heart completely changed

 

This time last year, my life looked so different. My values, my morals, my priorities , everything felt shaky. I was drifting, not anchored. And the biggest shift of all has been in my faith. I was, to put it honestly, a lukewarm Christian. I sinned more than I prayed. I didn’t have many Christian friends, nor a community to lean on. I surrounded myself with people who didn’t lead me closer to God. I was struggling with my mental health, with my identity, with my purpose… and yet I wasn’t turning to the One who heals all: Jesus.

Back then, I was like a sheep wandering,  lost, scattered, vulnerable to doubt and harm. I didn’t realize how much I needed Someone to come after me.

Fast forward just one year, and although it’s been one of the hardest years I’ve lived through, it’s also been a year marked by the most powerful growth I’ve ever experienced.

Prayers I forgot I even prayed have been answered. Doors I didn’t know to knock on opened. God was moving long before I ever recognized it, and looking back now, I can see how carefully, how tenderly, He was rearranging my life. Nothing was random. Nothing was wasted. He was shaping me, even in the silence.

Today, I’m deeper in my faith than I’ve ever been. I’m finally on the path to becoming the woman of God He created me to be. I talk to God daily, not out of habit but out of desire. I put Him at the forefront of everything. He is the centre, nothing and no one comes before Him anymore.

And He’s surrounded me with a beautiful community: brothers and sisters in Christ I never imagined I’d have. People who encourage me, pray with me, worship with me, challenge me, remind me of truth, and reflect Jesus back to me. As wonderful as this community is, the most powerful change hasn’t just been around me;  it’s been within me.
My heart is different. My spirit is different. My life is different.
I am not who I was a year ago.

These past few months, especially if you know anything about them, have been really tough and painful.But unlike before, those hard seasons no longer pull me away from God. They push me closer. They strengthen my faith. They deepen my trust.

That’s been especially true this past week as I’ve fasted, worshipped, and cried out to God about the areas in my life where I desperately need His hand. And even in the waiting, I know, truly know, that He will answer my prayers in His timing and in His way. After all, Matthew 7:7 says, “Ask and you shall receive.”

But one of the most emotional moments I’ve had recently came from something so simple: a good friend of mine sent me a reel. It reminded me of Jesus leaving the ninety-nine to go after the one lost sheep, the one wandering, the one confused, the one unsure, the one who didn’t feel worthy. As I watched it, tears welled up in my eyes. Because that was me. I was the lost sheep.

As the story goes,  from the Parable of the Lost Sheep, the shepherd doesn’t abandon the multitude; instead, He leaves the ninety-nine to go after the one who strayed, to seek it until he finds it, then lifts it on his shoulders and rejoices.

And the part that had me so emotional was the reminder that Jesus doesn’t write off the lost. He pursues them. He searches for them. He calls their name until they turn back. And when they finally do, He doesn’t scold them,  He lifts them onto His shoulders and carries them home with joy. 

I realised that’s exactly what He did for me this past year. I wasn’t just wandering, I was lost. And Jesus found me.

He met me in my confusion. He met me in my sin. He met me in my brokenness. And He brought me back. Completely.

Knowing about Jesus is one thing. But having a real, intimate, living relationship with Him is something completely different. It’s beautiful. It’s powerful. And honestly, it makes me emotional just writing about it.

I am the daughter of the Most High, the King of Kings.
And my life is proof that when God transforms you, He doesn’t do it halfway,  He does it completely.

So if you’re reading this and you feel like the old me … if you’ve got one foot in and one foot out when it comes to your faith … let this be your sign.
You are not too far. You are not too lost.
Jesus is already coming after you.

Step fully into God’s love.
Make the leap.
You will never regret it.

Love always,

Ruby xo