Overthinking,Empty boats and Finding freedom.
One of the main reasons I started this page is to share parts of my journey in hopes that it might help others in some way. Whether that’s helping someone feel validated and less alone, encouraging them to overcome certain struggles, or simply offering advice that has helped me personally, my hope is that my words can bring some value.
With that in mind, I want to share something I’ve been experiencing recently-extreme overthinking patterns. I felt a real urge to write about it today because I believe that putting my thoughts into words will be just as beneficial for me as it may be for you, the reader.
The past two weeks have been particularly challenging. My thoughts have been overwhelming: constantly overanalysing every interaction, every conversation, and every situation. It reached a breaking point where it stopped being something I could quietly deal with in my own head and began affecting my daily life. I didn’t feel like going to lectures, I avoided social situations, and even noticed subtle strains in my relationships with people around me. Though these effects were small, they were enough to wake me up. I realized I couldn’t keep allowing my mind to trap me, to control my emotions in the moment, or to make me act on fleeting feelings that didn’t truly reflect reality.
Once I recognize an issue-mental health or otherwise-I naturally want to do something about it. Not only to improve for others, but to grow into the happiest and most joyful version of myself. So, I grabbed my Kindle and started looking up books on overthinking, anxiety, and how the brain works. I began spending the day watching videos, sermons, and diving into any resource I thought might help. And I plan to continue learning, reflecting, and writing about what works (and what doesn’t) in the months ahead. My hope is that this ongoing process, which I’ll be sharing here, might help at least one other person also find ways to break the cycle.
And today to start this mini series, I want to share a story I came across that really impacted me this afternoon, now its a longish story but bare with it because there is an impactful message behind it.
The Story of the Young Monk and the Empty Boat
A long time ago, a young monk lived in a small monastery in a forest near a lake. A few senior monks lived there too, but most were newcomers who still had much to learn. The monks had many duties, but one of the most important was meditation: sitting in silence for hours at a time before reporting their progress to a mentor.
One young monk struggled to stay focused. He often became angry because his meditation was constantly disturbed. When he reported this to his mentor, the elder monk asked:
“Do you know what is really making you angry?”
The young monk replied:
“Well, as soon as I close my eyes and meditate, someone starts moving around, and I can’t focus. I get agitated that someone would disturb me even though they know I’m meditating. Then a cat or small animal might brush past and distract me again. By this point, even the wind and the birds annoy me. I can’t seem to find peace in this place.”
The elder monk said,
“I see that you become angrier with each interruption. But this is the opposite of meditation. You must find a way not to get angry with people, animals, or anything unusual around you.”
The young monk decided to find a quieter place. He went to the lake, sat on the shore, and meditated. But soon, birds splashed into the water, and he grew angry again. This continued until one day, he saw a small boat tied to a pier.
“Why don’t I row out to the middle of the lake?” he thought. “There, nothing can disturb me.”
So he took the boat, rowed out, and began meditating. To his delight, it worked. In the middle of the lake, he finally found silence. For days, he returned to the boat and meditated in peace.
But one day, as he meditated, another boat came drifting towards him. He shouted, “Steer away or you’ll hit me!” But the boat kept coming. He yelled again, but there was no answer, and eventually the boat collided with his.
Furious, he stood up, ready to confront whoever had ruined his peace-only to find that the boat was empty. It had simply come loose and drifted with the breeze.
In that moment, he remembered his mentor’s words: “Do you know what is really making you angry?”
The monk realized the truth:
It wasn’t other people, situations, or circumstances. It wasn’t even the boat. It was his own reaction. Without his response, the boat had no power to make him angry. From then on, he saw every disturbance as just another “empty boat” and found peace even in the middle of noise and chaos.
When the elder monk saw this change, he said,
“I see you have discovered what was making you angry, and you have overcome it.”
True freedom
isn't in having complete control of our minds,
but in the ability to be unattached
to whatever happens in them.
When I first read this story, it really struck me. It made me think about how much of my own pain and struggle doesn’t actually come from other people or situations, but from my reaction to them. Overthinking, in so many ways, is like me yelling at an empty boat. I imagine someone else steering it, or I assign meaning to something that’s really just drifting by. But if I can learn to see these moments for what they are—just “empty boats”—then I can let go of the anger, the fear, and the spiral of thoughts.
That’s easier said than done, of course. But even writing this now makes me feel a bit lighter. It reminds me that growth doesn’t mean eliminating every disturbance in life; it means finding peace in the middle of them. My hope is that as I continue this journey, I’ll become better at noticing the “empty boats” in my own mind and responding with calm instead of chaos. And maybe, if you’re reading this and struggling with something similar, it can encourage you to do the same.
Love always,
Ruby xo
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