What has Proverbs taught me about friendships.

 Choosing the right friendships is so incredibly important as it has a huge impact on our life. God warns us what could happen when we choose the wrong friends. Having the wrong friends can influence how we act, what we do and ultimately lead us down the wrong path. The Bible and specifically Proverbs  tells us that they have the power to influence us to either commit sinful acts or they can influence us to stay on the right path and  become closer to God. 

Proverbs  reminds us that if we spend time with wise people who know right from wrong than we will be wise( Proverbs13:20) "Whoever walks with the wise becomes the wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." However, if we hang around friends who are fools and continue to sin then we will suffer. This also applies to our relationships with other believers. 

 The biggest lesson we need to learn from this is that we are able to choose our friendships , unlike family, the people we work and study with we have a choice when it comes to our friends. And so our choice in friendships is of the upmost importance for your choice may well determine your direction of life. Why? Because our friends rub off on us - we become like the ones we love.

We all know this is true when it comes to our preferences and tastes and even the way we speak. For example, how many of us have been around a friend who starts saying certain phrases which you have never said before but then start catching yourself saying them after being around them for a certain amount of time. I know I am like that especially when I'm around my close friends and I start to unintentionally copy their phrases as responses to different things people will say to me. Or another example how many of us have had our music taste be influenced by our friends? I know I certainly have been especially when one of my close friends becomes obsessed with certain music artists and will be playing them every time she is in my car. 

So if it is true for those things than it is also true for wisdom. Wisdom is not only taught but it is also caught. Because Character is contagious. But the same is also true with foolishness, such that the companion of fools suffers harm. Take Proverbs 12:26 : "The righteous should choose his friends carefully; For the way of the wicked leads them astray". Or Proverbs 22:24-25 "Make no friendship with a man given to anger , nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare." Ultimately the point is you should be aware of who you befriend. 

We also learn the importance of true friendships which are chosen and can be found in people who love us at all times (Proverbs 17:17) "A friend loves at all times , and a brother is born from Adversity". 

Through joy, sorrow, sickness and health there is no time when a true friend does not love you. A genuine friend will multiple the joys and half the sorrows!

When we understand friendship like this we can quickly understand why true friendships takes work for it is not easy to love someone at all times.  It can be hard to go on loving a friend when circumstances change for example when one moves away somewhere far and the other stays put. This is especially true with friendships with people from back home after you move away to University. To be a constant true friend it requires energy and effort without this the friendship will drift apart.

Not only do friendships take work but they also take grace. There is an element of tension that may come with any relationship that seeks to go deep but what you do about that determines how deep you go. For friendships to be constant , friends must be able to seek forgiveness and allow forgiveness of one another. There should never be any place for resentment or bitterness! Friends who cannot get over things that have happened in the past will not be friends for long.

If friendship is constant than we can also assume that true friendship will take time! I read something recently which quoted something Aristotle  said which I want share on here: "The desire for friends comes quickly. Friendship does not." There is no need to rush friendships it is going to take time and that is okay!

True friends are also candid "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy." ( 27:5-6). In other words true friends will confront us when we are in the wrong or heading down the wrong path and to do this is better than staying silent. To do this is one of the greatest acts of love a friend can do.

We are all sinners, we are prone to wander, we stray from what our Lord commands, what will our friends say when they see us astray? What will we say to our friends when we see them stop coming to church , when they quit reading the Bible, when they start to Sin more often or start to go down the wrong path? Will we remain silent because we do not want to hurt the friendship or offend the person. Or will we faithfully help our friend , confront them and speak to them. The greatest act of love we can do in a  friendship can sometimes be the hardest but it is ultimately vital for a true genuine friendship.

 There is so much I have learnt about friendship but I fear I have already written a lot so I will just share one last thing to leave you with today.  True friends maybe rare.( 20:6 and 27:10). To find a true friend who is wise, constant and candite is hard . To find someone who understands the true nature of what a real friendship entails  and is willing to put the work in is not something you come across every day. And so we  shouldn't forsake the friendships we already have and instead we should give them opportunities not to forsake us. 

 Proverbs has taught me that when we are there for one another in the midst of whatever is going on , and when we give opportunities for others to be there for us than we will find them true friendships. 

I am incredibly blessed to have true friendships in my life and I am sure I still have more to come who I will love and value just as much and I am even more sure that you will have them too. Scripture teaches us after all that we have all had a friend who has been there for us when we have needed them the most. 

I  hope that what I have learnt maybe has helped you as well to  understand the true value of friendship and hold onto it always.

Love always,

Ruby xo